[ It's the word he settles on upon hearing that she isn't hurt. The word "good" comes to mind, but he's relieved that she's not hurt. But -- ]
I don't think this is real. [ He squints, shifting around in a half-circle, to look around at everything. ] It feels -- [ He grimaces. ] --strange.
[ He makes a soft confused noise, though. ] Like why's there a bed here? Why are you brunette? I don't mean to act like a lady can't change her hair, but -- [ Holding his hand out to the side, he's at a loss for words. ]
-- but -- [ This word weighs heavily. ] -- this has meaning to you?
[it's funny. it wasn't until people saw glimpses of her world that she began to understand how bizarre it all was. James never reacted like that, probably because it all came from his mind and she had come from that as well.
she could try to explain but that's difficult and she would like to do anything but just that.]
It does. This is what was happening before I came here. I'm guessing that's it anyway. This guy is going to show up and he's going to tell me he needs to get rid of me to bring back his wife. Which sounds crazy but...[she doesn't continue that thought. wasn't everything crazy already? look at the situation they were in. none of this made much sense.
she sighs.] This has happened. Bed and all. [it's a testement to her will that she can still joke.]
[ His head snaps back to toward the bed, irritation rolling over his expression and shoulders. ]
Yeah, it does sound crazy. [ He clenches his fist at his side, swallows down some curse that threatens to boil up. Losing his temper isn't going to help the situation. But he shifts around to step towards her. ] I'm not going to let him do it.
[ Murphy promises that to her readily. ]
Memory or dream or whatever this is -- I'm not going to let him lay a hand on you. Okay?
[it's not that odd of a statement is it? she said that somebody would hurt her and any decent person wouldn't want to see that happen. but her eyes go to his fist, sees the subtle movements and the signs that he is mad. and that he means this.
and Maria is touched. she's as happy as can be and she never thought she could feel that way in this situation. in this world. even if anybody wouldn't want to see anybody come to harm, she is just happy to be somebody to another person. there's a small smile though it might be one of the sincerest ones she's had since she's come here.] Thanks.
[she looks back out the window, only fog is all anybody can see and sighs.]
Do you think beating the crap out of him will break the cycle?
[ He answers honestly - head filled with anger that she's already gone through this. His thoughts raging quietly as he wonders if she was held prisoner here. Breathing sharply, he shifts to glance to her. Is it all right to ask? His jaw sets as he jerks his gaze down; there's being part of someone's pain and there's ripping it open. ]
Look. You don't have to explain anything you don't want to...
[ Murphy settles on that statement. He looks around for something that he could use to bash the man's head in. Would that make Maria feel safe? To know that the man coming is dead? Even if it is just in this - wherever they are? ]
I can only do this. So if this ever comes back to you, if you ever dream of this moment again, you'll know at least in this time... that man isn't going to be around for long.
[part of her does take delight in the idea of killing James. her anger for James was always present, always reminded that it was his fault she existed at all and it was always up to him if she could continue existing. but after he had told her he needed to get rid of her, the anger had turned to an almost rage, that he would truly go that far. she wanted him to suffer.
and then there is delight that Murphy wants to help.
there is a relief that he isn't asking her to explain anything. right now, she doesn't want him to know. she surely doesn't want to discuss the intimate details of why James would want her gone and what would happen if Murphy wasn't here.
Maria smiles.]
There's usually only me in my corner so this means more to me than you'll ever know. [she motions her head to where the stairs are.] He comes up from there. He's got weapons. Guns and a steel pipe. But he's only going to talk to me. Reject me real nice, right? You can get him by surprise. He isn't that strong with those things anyway.
[is she talking like she's imagined this happening before? yeah. a little.]
[ Murphy doesn't trust his voice. He isn't sure how he will sound.
He tucks his chin against his chest, breathing out slowly. His jaw works back and forth, grinding the back of his teeth. It's good it's a dream - but he still thinks he feels something in his mouth snap and crack.
Occasionally, his head dips in a small nod. He sucks a breath in to ask something, turning slightly, but he isn't able. The area between his eyes twitches involuntarily.
He doesn't have to be too strong, though, does he? ]
Yeah... I'm on your side.
[ As the rage consumes him, he has a moment - brief as it is, of clarity. He talks about killing the man whose kidnapped and has already sacrificed her in some psychotic attempt to bring his wife back. Whatever monster he might be - he doesn't think he's half as bad.
But -- ]
Guess we both know that monsters exist in the world... [ Figuratively and literally, but they don't have to get into the weird fucked-up town he was in. This isn't about that. ] I might be one of them.
[ Murphy thinks of Charlie, of Sharon, of Maria. Victims of lunatics. He clenches his fist at his side, and does finally look her in the eyes. ]
But I'm one of them for you.
[ Murphy runs his tongue over his teeth.
Again he thinks of saying more but doesn't. He thinks of asking her not to be afraid of what he'll become, but that's not on him to burden her with that kind of ask. ]
[it is a stark contrast between something as uplifting as Murphy agreeing he was on her side and then that he could be a monster. Maria had certainly seen enough of them. mostly literally. figuratively, she supposed James viewed himself as one yet she could never quite go that far.
but it comes full circle when he says he'll be a monster for her because yeah, that is a big difference and Maria cannot deny she doesn't think she would care much what kind of person he could be if he would be there for her. at this point, with what she was and what she faced, did right or wrong even matter? her existence was so outside of that that Maria didn't think her sense of justice was skewed correctly. if it meant not having this happen again, being reminded once more that James would never want her, then so be it.]
Listen, I'm no saint either. But thanks. [she offers him a smile.] Hide near the bed? He can see you near the stairway.
[ Murphy did hesitate to say "you're welcome" when she said thanks. He hesitates to say a lot, but it feels like there's some invisible timer ticking down.
He's sure it's on his face - how much he wants to say, how much he'd like to console her. How sorry he is that this happened. The corners of his mouth twisting down and sucking in breath to say something, but not.
It says a lot about her to be able to joke before. His eyes drop to the ground and he pauses to try to offer something: ]
We're gonna get out of here. [ Yeah. 'We.' ] 'Cause we're in this together, right?
[ A step back before he heads toward the bed - few quick, long strides - and hides by it. Dropping down low, he kneels down - his gaze drifts towards the bed itself. His eyes drawn on how it looks, frowning that much deeper.
Both hands clench into fists until he can see the white of his knuckles. He breathes out his anger yet again, because it won't do getting blinded by rage. If he is, how will he stay coolheaded enough to make sure Maria's safe in the confrontation?
We're in this together. [it's said softly, as if it is a delicate phrase that can be broken apart easily because it can. would Murphy want to help her once he really knew her? knew what she was? it didn't seem possible and now she worried, scared of the idea that this friendship she had been building could go up into smoke.
Maria goes over what happened in her mind and it isn't the first time. the memory has replayed again and again, remembering how James had tossed her aside. this time worse than all the others. she remembers everything he said and wonders.
and she jumps when she sees James though it cannot be him. there's no way it is and yet her heart feels like it's in her throat. the rejection never does get easier and so she doesn't say anything, thinking that the scene cannot happen if she doesn't say something but of course she wouldn't be that lucky.]
'I'm sorry. I know what you are, Maria.'
[she flinches. how would Murphy take that? she had forgotten the what of it all. it was true, though. she was more of a what than a who.]
'You're wrong. There's a way. I can still bring her back.'
[why the hell was he going without her?]
Stop! [Maria shouts because the theory Murphy has in his head is only going away and she's shaking her head.]
'But I have to kill that part of me...that still clings to you.'
Murphy, please! [before you see or hear too much and I'm not some defenseless woman to you anymore.]
[ Sneering curses enter his head as soon as he sees the guy. But his head immediately cools when he hears what he says: "I know what you are." His shoulders drop back as he feels a rush of confusion hit him.
'What?' Not 'who?'
As he's processing that information, he feels his eyes jerk side-to-side, dragging themselves across the floor. But it's Maria crying out for his help that causes him to act. He throws himself out from behind the bed - it's not as deliberate a lunge as he initially wanted.
But it seems to catch him off-guard enough.
It's a few quick strides -- he takes the hesitation and confusion to put himself between Maria and her would-be assailant.
But - but -- ]
Stay away from her!
[ But the confusion seems to deepen on his face - it's not confusion out of someone coming to save her, but something else. It's enough to give him pause, even if his fist is ready to take a swing. ]
`You can see her?`
[ A cold sweat runs down his neck. The pressure in the room starts to shift as he turns his head slightly, not quite looking over his shoulder to where Maria should be. ]
... Maria?
[ His voice cracks, unsure, but somehow feels if he hears her voice that will make sense of everything. ]
[and now Maria begins to wonder. James reacted to Murphy, said that, and Maria had worried about Murphy knowing her. seeing her for what she was.
was this moment not even about James? it hurt but she thought that Murphy reacting like this, having the idea that she wasn't just some normal woman...yeah, that hurt far more. her theory is only strengthened by James only standing there and not doing much else.]
I can...? [the word 'explain' is on the tip of her tongue but it never finds itself in the sentence. can she? can she really explain anything? the answer is yes, she can, but she doesn't want to. that is the last thing she wanted to do. even if Maria had explained herself to Sharon, that was different. Sharon was different.
Maria tries to open her mouth to say something but she waits for too long. 'James' speaks up.]
'Tell him the truth. You're not real, Maria.'
[Maria feels anger rising up in her as she glares at the man she'd been created for.] Shut up!
'You were only something the town thought I wanted but it was wrong. I didn't even want you.'
[it shouldn't hurt as badly as it does, she thinks. it was a fact she had long ago accepted and had been trying to change. find a way to make James really see her and try to convince him to accept her. make him understand their situation and get them out. it never worked and she only grew more bitter. but it didn't change the fact James was her sole reason for even existing.]
I don't care what you want, James. I said it then and I'm still saying it. Like it or not, I'm here. [she looks to Murphy finally, her fist clenching.] I just want to live. That's all.
[and that was it. she did. all Maria wanted was a life, the ability to wake up and go to bed. a job she didn't like and most of the time food sucked but sometimes she'd get a real good meal. a deeper part of her wanted James with that but Maria knew that wouldn't happen. it couldn't. and was it even her desire anyway? the only fact was Maria only wanted to live.]
[ Murphy feels more like he's a statue between the two of them. Their words crash into him and he takes seconds longer than necessary to process, to digest.
Each time one of them speaks, his head partially twitches to move in the direction of the voice. It feels like he's underwater. The town? He feels that unfamiliar, anxious feeling run down his back. His limbs feel cold; it burns ice down his fingertips. ]
She isn't real.
[ He finally says. James glances to him, seemingly relieved that he's talking sense. ]
But she's alive.
[ It's that confusion yet again on his face. ]
I get it, alright? [ He swallows thickly, painfully. ] I lost someone, too, and a -- [ A small glance behind. ] -- a town let me see someone that was and wasn't like them.
'It's like you get it but--'
[ He breathes in, his breath feels shaky. He still feels cold. It's not the same, is it? Now's not the time-- ]
You're both victims of this stupid fucking town. [ Clarity is hitting him and he hates it. But he straightens his shoulders, tries to stand his full height (not realizing when he started to slouch). ]
Just leave it like that -- let her go and leave here.
[ He's breathing hard; he can hear it. He feels a headache burning in the back of his head, but he adds: ]
That'll let you live... right?
[ Earlier, he told her that he can't sympathize with those that hurt others. Before he might've shut down anything James had said, he might've believed it was all the words of a lunatic, but Maria has a good heart. Somehow, he wanted to do right by her - not quite like they had planned, but maybe how she needed? Maybe... ]
[the emotion behind 'this stupid fucking town' makes Maria think he must know of Silent Hill. it wouldn't be a thought she would consider if she hadn't met Sharon, hadn't known it was possible. it wasn't as if Silent Hill was a big tourist attraction. people really only knew of it if they were from that area. but if you did know Silent Hill then all of this? yeah, it made sense. too much sense.
she feels for him and it seemed like whatever would happen, Murphy might not look at her too harshly. that maybe he might understand that really, all she wanted was a life.
her eyes glance to Murphy before glancing away again and then James is still only standing there. to Maria, he feels like a prop. a doll to stand in for the real man because he isn't here.]
You know of Silent Hill, don't you?
[it's the only thing she can think of saying, as she still struggles to know what to do. what to accept. James doesn't seem like he is going to say much else.]
It leaves an unsettling sensation to be talking to someone and realize he's talking at someone. A memory. Something imagined for Maria. James stands as he is but he seems less real.
The person who she was imagined for is now the one imagined.
His shoulders drop - the tension fading as a different kind builds up his back.
Yet again, he tilts his head back as he hears her question.
Another brief glance at the man before shifting to pivot around - facing her, finally looking at her. ]
Yeah. I do.
[ A painful pause. ] Not as intimately as --
[ He pauses yet again as he feels like that's the wrong word to use. ]
[Maria thinks about her conversation with Sharon and how Sharon had ultimately accepted her. she isn't naive enough to think Murphy will be that accepting. Sharon was a very kind and while Murphy was not unkind, he had shown her himself how it was hard for him to be as forgiving as her.
and yet she didn't think he might continue to be her friend—well, —know her if he knew everything. but it didn't feel right not to tell him everything after he saw that. it seemed like he had kind of figured it out anyway.]
[ The tips of his fingers tremble. He straightens them out and clenches his fist. Opening his mouth, he almost feels like explaining more of himself - but his shoulders end up dropping instead. ]
It'd be easy to believe you're trying to manipulate me. Like everything in that town. [ And he takes a step back, shifting, sliding step, as he glances to the man frozen - haunting their conversation. You weren't made for me. ] What a crock of shit that all is... to make a person and for what...?
[ Breathing slowly, he still feels the adrenaline rushing through him. He doesn't have anywhere for it to go. It just burns and exhausts everything. But that, also, doesn't matter. ]
You sounded -- [ Real. Not the word to use in this moment. ] -- sincere.
[ Another breath out as he runs his tongue along his lips. ]
I believe what you said... you just want to ... you don't want to die.
[Maria herself does have to wonder just why Murphy had been there. the town always drew in guilt and he'd said he'd been shown someone before. she doesn't find herself judging him, though. she would be a hypocrite if she judged Murphy for something like that while turning a blind eye to James.
and if he could accept her then that was what mattered. it had felt good to have a relationship with another person and Maria didn't want to lose that.]
I'm being honest that I just want my own life. That place creates me and gives me free will. Or something like it, I guess. Half and half. It's kind of a sick joke.
[she nods her head to James.] His wife died. [she motions to her hair and her outfit.] This was Mary. The way you usually see me is how I am, how the town created me. Wanted his wife but just a little different. It's a long, awful story. I just...can't really leave without him. He's the key for me.
[and she did love James even if she knew it was born from Mary and James's own desires. not something naturally grown from her own heart, if she had one. but it didn't change the fact the love was there, the desire to be with him.]
Problem is, he catches on. Kind of. He doesn't know what I really am. Just thinks I'm a hallucination or something. I can try to talk to him but he'll just think it's the town testing him again.
[ He scratches his forehead, but doesn't turn back to look at the person in question. Not this time. His conversation is with her - and he feels a weight press down on his shoulders and chest.
The Charlie he saw in Silent Hill obviously couldn't be his son. His lips press together into a thin, painful line. He disappeared after I said what I guess I needed to say. Because it would hurt to think that a version of Charlie is still in that town.
Or worse - he existed only for that short time.
But could he have taken that town's version of Charlie home, if that was possible? Would he come to resent the boy that wasn't his? Hate him for not being his son?
His mouth falls open as he lets out a pained sigh.
Murphy takes a step back and almost bumps into the man behind him. He feels his shoulders slump more. His head lifts as he has so many questions for Maria. But they get caught in his throat. Because he's scared of the answers. ]
That's so fucked.
[ Both his thoughts and the reality that she's been living in. ]
I'm sorry... to both of you. That's... unfair. [ No, it's more than that - but he doesn't even quite have the vocabulary for it. ] Did you think killing him might break the cycle? If he's your way out? Or would that make you cease to ...?
[ His eyes drop down. ]
I guess there is no right answer... I wouldn't want you to become a murderer, anyway... you still got that good heart, right?
[Maria wonders what runs through his mind. if he had seen someone in that town, someone that shouldn't exist, Maria wonders if they had been like her. real, in that one sense. not as real as Murphy or James. not something fabricated to play a role.
maybe Murphy regrets his decision. whatever it had been. but she won't ask. it would hurt him and she has no desire to do that. not when Murphy had been nice enough to listen to her.]
Usually when James tells me no, and he almost always has, I get filled with this...rage? In that moment, I really hate him. I did everything he wanted, was everything he wanted, and he brushes me off. This last time, though, was the first time he had a use for me. A real use. Not some fleeting moment or anything like that.
[her eyes turn to James, glaring, before she looks away.]
I'd like to think I have a good heart. If I could really get away, be my own person, then I'd do good things. [but she's never had that shot. it's a chance that she's never been given and so Maria can't say.] It's why I can sympathize with Sleep. Feel a little bad for her. Being all alone, not a single person to ever see you? Really see you? It's a lot, Murphy. It's a whole lot. You feel like you'll do anything to escape that.
[ That is the word that Murphy clings onto as he processes everything she says. A creeping horror coils itself around his insides, freezing them, crawling up his throat where it stills a scream. ]
You mean, it -- this isn't -- [ His arm is out to point at the man behind him. He thought this was the conclusion, but she's saying this happens? Has been happening? ] -- how long have you been doing --?
[ His head feels like it's swimming and he gets what she's saying. He understands more about what her empathy toward Sleep comes from. And here he thought becoming an actualized, real person only to exist for a short beat was worse than living. ]
Jesus, Maria. [ Murphy feels like he's cursed a lot. He doesn't know what to say - he holds his hand out to her before pulling it back. There's a building energy in him, because he wants to help her yet something like that is out of his control. ]
Yeah... [ His eyes drag everywhere but he knows - he knows - she's telling him this not because she wants him to fix anything. ] I get what you're saying.
[Maria hadn't gotten too far into this with Sharon. the real cycle of it all, how it was the same thing again and again. but while Maria hadn't exactly said it, Murphy could read into it.] I don't know. Enough that I usually know the pattern. I can figure out where the hell he's going to be or what he might find. This time, I didn't expect him to find that damn cult crap. I shouldn't have let him get that close to the Baldwin mansion. [she shouldn't have let her own fear of the place hold her back like that.
Maria doesn't say much more about Sleep. it's a touchy subject and Maria knows how people look at you if you sympathize with her too much. but Maria would like for people to try to understand this world, as awful as it was, was truly Maria's chance for freedom. it meant a lot to her.
she turns her gaze back to James, eyes going over his frame. frozen there. only being used for her now. her hand goes on his shoulder.] Kind of nice he's the one that's not real for once. Feels like a real win right now. [she looks back to Murphy with a small smile.]
Thank you, though. For hearing me out. Not killing me next. I know that town...it hurts you. You probably went through things that keep you up at night. If you looked at me differently because that town created me, just like all those monsters? Well. I'd get it.
[ He feels like his head is going to explode, though. It's a lot of information and processing what's said and unsaid. His hand rests against his temple, gently rubbing his forehead, like that will help the headache from what he knows.
But his hand does drop at what she says. ]
... yeah, I wondered if you'd feel that way... [ That it's a win that this James isn't real. He's there because she wants him to be - but for what? His eyebrows come together as he wonders what this was meant for, if it is for her. To face her past? Herself? Isn't she having to do that enough? ]
Look. I won't say that if I didn't get to know you first that I would've -- [ His head gives a small shake, frowning. ] -- dismissed everything and done something stupid. [ Out of some misplaced anger. ] But getting to know you...
[ He decides to be honest, to say what he's thinking instead of thinking it all. ] ... I wanted to do good by you. I still want that, Maria. [ He tilts his head in her direction. ]
What I said before is the same... you're not a monster. You're a victim, too.
[Maria gives him a look like 'really'? what was it with men just not realizing there was a cult? it was all over the place. you did not have to look very hard to find signs of it.
what he tells her doesn't surprise her. it was why she hid away just what she was. who would want to trust something a town like that created? James believed her to be nothing but a creation of that town, of his mind, and couldn't see outside of that. not all men were James but anybody who had experience with it? well. Maria couldn't blame them.
but it strangely felt good to be seen as a victim. what a terrible label but it felt good knowing that someone could believe in her. see that she only did what she had to do.
she feels emotional and she wants to do something like hug him but she doesn't. Murphy doesn't seem like the kind of man to be able to deal well with that. it'd probably make things awkward so she nods, fighting back her emotions.]
I get the feeling you've been through some shit, Murphy, but just so you know? I believe you. I think you want to do good by a lot of people and that says a lot about you.
[ He isn't sure, but the image that she has of him - he doesn't want to ruin it. ]
Can I ... ask you something?
[ His hands twitches, trembles, shaking down to his fingertips. He presses his lips together into a thin line. Letting out a slow breath, he tries to ease the headache he feels but it doesn't do anything. ]
Actually, never mind.
[ Be free probably isn't what happens if one of those town created individuals fulfills their purpose. She wasn't able to be free after she did everything that James apparently wanted of her, so maybe that's a cruel joke. And asking her if she'd just cease to exist seems not right to ask either. ]
Look. [ He rubs his face yet again, focusing his thoughts. ] When I go back, I'm in Silent Hill. Do you know if there's any way I can save you? Save him? [ He jerks his head back toward James. ] Neither one of you deserves to be in whatever shit cycle that the town put you in.
And you deserve your own life. So... do you know if there's anything I can do?
[ After all he thought before, he just couldn't let it go. Maybe, he didn't learn anything. Maybe he still thinks he can fix everything. But he wants to try. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2026-03-09 01:53 am (UTC)[ It's the word he settles on upon hearing that she isn't hurt. The word "good" comes to mind, but he's relieved that she's not hurt. But -- ]
I don't think this is real. [ He squints, shifting around in a half-circle, to look around at everything. ] It feels -- [ He grimaces. ] --strange.
[ He makes a soft confused noise, though. ] Like why's there a bed here? Why are you brunette? I don't mean to act like a lady can't change her hair, but -- [ Holding his hand out to the side, he's at a loss for words. ]
-- but -- [ This word weighs heavily. ] -- this has meaning to you?
no subject
Date: 2026-03-10 12:07 am (UTC)she could try to explain but that's difficult and she would like to do anything but just that.]
It does. This is what was happening before I came here. I'm guessing that's it anyway. This guy is going to show up and he's going to tell me he needs to get rid of me to bring back his wife. Which sounds crazy but...[she doesn't continue that thought. wasn't everything crazy already? look at the situation they were in. none of this made much sense.
she sighs.] This has happened. Bed and all. [it's a testement to her will that she can still joke.]
no subject
Date: 2026-03-12 03:33 am (UTC)[ His head snaps back to toward the bed, irritation rolling over his expression and shoulders. ]
Yeah, it does sound crazy. [ He clenches his fist at his side, swallows down some curse that threatens to boil up. Losing his temper isn't going to help the situation. But he shifts around to step towards her. ] I'm not going to let him do it.
[ Murphy promises that to her readily. ]
Memory or dream or whatever this is -- I'm not going to let him lay a hand on you. Okay?
no subject
Date: 2026-03-14 09:06 pm (UTC)and Maria is touched. she's as happy as can be and she never thought she could feel that way in this situation. in this world. even if anybody wouldn't want to see anybody come to harm, she is just happy to be somebody to another person. there's a small smile though it might be one of the sincerest ones she's had since she's come here.] Thanks.
[she looks back out the window, only fog is all anybody can see and sighs.]
Do you think beating the crap out of him will break the cycle?
no subject
Date: 2026-03-15 01:46 am (UTC)[ He answers honestly - head filled with anger that she's already gone through this. His thoughts raging quietly as he wonders if she was held prisoner here. Breathing sharply, he shifts to glance to her. Is it all right to ask? His jaw sets as he jerks his gaze down; there's being part of someone's pain and there's ripping it open. ]
Look. You don't have to explain anything you don't want to...
[ Murphy settles on that statement. He looks around for something that he could use to bash the man's head in. Would that make Maria feel safe? To know that the man coming is dead? Even if it is just in this - wherever they are? ]
I can only do this. So if this ever comes back to you, if you ever dream of this moment again, you'll know at least in this time... that man isn't going to be around for long.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-17 12:37 am (UTC)and then there is delight that Murphy wants to help.
there is a relief that he isn't asking her to explain anything. right now, she doesn't want him to know. she surely doesn't want to discuss the intimate details of why James would want her gone and what would happen if Murphy wasn't here.
Maria smiles.]
There's usually only me in my corner so this means more to me than you'll ever know. [she motions her head to where the stairs are.] He comes up from there. He's got weapons. Guns and a steel pipe. But he's only going to talk to me. Reject me real nice, right? You can get him by surprise. He isn't that strong with those things anyway.
[is she talking like she's imagined this happening before? yeah. a little.]
no subject
Date: 2026-03-17 07:08 pm (UTC)He tucks his chin against his chest, breathing out slowly. His jaw works back and forth, grinding the back of his teeth. It's good it's a dream - but he still thinks he feels something in his mouth snap and crack.
Occasionally, his head dips in a small nod. He sucks a breath in to ask something, turning slightly, but he isn't able. The area between his eyes twitches involuntarily.
He doesn't have to be too strong, though, does he? ]
Yeah... I'm on your side.
[ As the rage consumes him, he has a moment - brief as it is, of clarity. He talks about killing the man whose kidnapped and has already sacrificed her in some psychotic attempt to bring his wife back. Whatever monster he might be - he doesn't think he's half as bad.
But -- ]
Guess we both know that monsters exist in the world... [ Figuratively and literally, but they don't have to get into the weird fucked-up town he was in. This isn't about that. ] I might be one of them.
[ Murphy thinks of Charlie, of Sharon, of Maria. Victims of lunatics. He clenches his fist at his side, and does finally look her in the eyes. ]
But I'm one of them for you.
[ Murphy runs his tongue over his teeth.
Again he thinks of saying more but doesn't. He thinks of asking her not to be afraid of what he'll become, but that's not on him to burden her with that kind of ask. ]
That's... all.
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Date: 2026-03-18 10:47 pm (UTC)but it comes full circle when he says he'll be a monster for her because yeah, that is a big difference and Maria cannot deny she doesn't think she would care much what kind of person he could be if he would be there for her. at this point, with what she was and what she faced, did right or wrong even matter? her existence was so outside of that that Maria didn't think her sense of justice was skewed correctly. if it meant not having this happen again, being reminded once more that James would never want her, then so be it.]
Listen, I'm no saint either. But thanks. [she offers him a smile.] Hide near the bed? He can see you near the stairway.
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Date: 2026-03-20 01:31 pm (UTC)[ Murphy did hesitate to say "you're welcome" when she said thanks. He hesitates to say a lot, but it feels like there's some invisible timer ticking down.
He's sure it's on his face - how much he wants to say, how much he'd like to console her. How sorry he is that this happened. The corners of his mouth twisting down and sucking in breath to say something, but not.
It says a lot about her to be able to joke before. His eyes drop to the ground and he pauses to try to offer something: ]
We're gonna get out of here. [ Yeah. 'We.' ] 'Cause we're in this together, right?
[ A step back before he heads toward the bed - few quick, long strides - and hides by it. Dropping down low, he kneels down - his gaze drifts towards the bed itself. His eyes drawn on how it looks, frowning that much deeper.
Both hands clench into fists until he can see the white of his knuckles. He breathes out his anger yet again, because it won't do getting blinded by rage. If he is, how will he stay coolheaded enough to make sure Maria's safe in the confrontation?
Stay calm. ]
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Date: 2026-03-23 04:19 pm (UTC)Maria goes over what happened in her mind and it isn't the first time. the memory has replayed again and again, remembering how James had tossed her aside. this time worse than all the others. she remembers everything he said and wonders.
and she jumps when she sees James though it cannot be him. there's no way it is and yet her heart feels like it's in her throat. the rejection never does get easier and so she doesn't say anything, thinking that the scene cannot happen if she doesn't say something but of course she wouldn't be that lucky.]
'I'm sorry. I know what you are, Maria.'
[she flinches. how would Murphy take that? she had forgotten the what of it all. it was true, though. she was more of a what than a who.]
'You're wrong. There's a way. I can still bring her back.'
[why the hell was he going without her?]
Stop! [Maria shouts because the theory Murphy has in his head is only going away and she's shaking her head.]
'But I have to kill that part of me...that still clings to you.'
Murphy, please! [before you see or hear too much and I'm not some defenseless woman to you anymore.]
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Date: 2026-03-25 04:35 pm (UTC)'What?' Not 'who?'
As he's processing that information, he feels his eyes jerk side-to-side, dragging themselves across the floor. But it's Maria crying out for his help that causes him to act. He throws himself out from behind the bed - it's not as deliberate a lunge as he initially wanted.
But it seems to catch him off-guard enough.
It's a few quick strides -- he takes the hesitation and confusion to put himself between Maria and her would-be assailant.
But - but -- ]
Stay away from her!
[ But the confusion seems to deepen on his face - it's not confusion out of someone coming to save her, but something else. It's enough to give him pause, even if his fist is ready to take a swing. ]
`You can see her?`
[ A cold sweat runs down his neck. The pressure in the room starts to shift as he turns his head slightly, not quite looking over his shoulder to where Maria should be. ]
... Maria?
[ His voice cracks, unsure, but somehow feels if he hears her voice that will make sense of everything. ]
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Date: 2026-03-29 07:05 pm (UTC)was this moment not even about James? it hurt but she thought that Murphy reacting like this, having the idea that she wasn't just some normal woman...yeah, that hurt far more. her theory is only strengthened by James only standing there and not doing much else.]
I can...? [the word 'explain' is on the tip of her tongue but it never finds itself in the sentence. can she? can she really explain anything? the answer is yes, she can, but she doesn't want to. that is the last thing she wanted to do. even if Maria had explained herself to Sharon, that was different. Sharon was different.
Maria tries to open her mouth to say something but she waits for too long. 'James' speaks up.]
'Tell him the truth. You're not real, Maria.'
[Maria feels anger rising up in her as she glares at the man she'd been created for.] Shut up!
'You were only something the town thought I wanted but it was wrong. I didn't even want you.'
[it shouldn't hurt as badly as it does, she thinks. it was a fact she had long ago accepted and had been trying to change. find a way to make James really see her and try to convince him to accept her. make him understand their situation and get them out. it never worked and she only grew more bitter. but it didn't change the fact James was her sole reason for even existing.]
I don't care what you want, James. I said it then and I'm still saying it. Like it or not, I'm here. [she looks to Murphy finally, her fist clenching.] I just want to live. That's all.
[and that was it. she did. all Maria wanted was a life, the ability to wake up and go to bed. a job she didn't like and most of the time food sucked but sometimes she'd get a real good meal. a deeper part of her wanted James with that but Maria knew that wouldn't happen. it couldn't. and was it even her desire anyway? the only fact was Maria only wanted to live.]
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Date: 2026-03-29 07:52 pm (UTC)Each time one of them speaks, his head partially twitches to move in the direction of the voice. It feels like he's underwater. The town? He feels that unfamiliar, anxious feeling run down his back. His limbs feel cold; it burns ice down his fingertips. ]
She isn't real.
[ He finally says. James glances to him, seemingly relieved that he's talking sense. ]
But she's alive.
[ It's that confusion yet again on his face. ]
I get it, alright? [ He swallows thickly, painfully. ] I lost someone, too, and a -- [ A small glance behind. ] -- a town let me see someone that was and wasn't like them.
'It's like you get it but--'
[ He breathes in, his breath feels shaky. He still feels cold. It's not the same, is it? Now's not the time-- ]
You're both victims of this stupid fucking town. [ Clarity is hitting him and he hates it. But he straightens his shoulders, tries to stand his full height (not realizing when he started to slouch). ]
Just leave it like that -- let her go and leave here.
[ He's breathing hard; he can hear it. He feels a headache burning in the back of his head, but he adds: ]
That'll let you live... right?
[ Earlier, he told her that he can't sympathize with those that hurt others. Before he might've shut down anything James had said, he might've believed it was all the words of a lunatic, but Maria has a good heart. Somehow, he wanted to do right by her - not quite like they had planned, but maybe how she needed? Maybe... ]
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Date: 2026-03-30 04:36 pm (UTC)she feels for him and it seemed like whatever would happen, Murphy might not look at her too harshly. that maybe he might understand that really, all she wanted was a life.
her eyes glance to Murphy before glancing away again and then James is still only standing there. to Maria, he feels like a prop. a doll to stand in for the real man because he isn't here.]
You know of Silent Hill, don't you?
[it's the only thing she can think of saying, as she still struggles to know what to do. what to accept. James doesn't seem like he is going to say much else.]
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Date: 2026-03-30 04:49 pm (UTC)It leaves an unsettling sensation to be talking to someone and realize he's talking at someone. A memory. Something imagined for Maria. James stands as he is but he seems less real.
The person who she was imagined for is now the one imagined.
His shoulders drop - the tension fading as a different kind builds up his back.
Yet again, he tilts his head back as he hears her question.
Another brief glance at the man before shifting to pivot around - facing her, finally looking at her. ]
Yeah. I do.
[ A painful pause. ] Not as intimately as --
[ He pauses yet again as he feels like that's the wrong word to use. ]
I don't know that much about it.
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Date: 2026-03-30 10:32 pm (UTC)and yet she didn't think he might continue to be her friend—well, —know her if he knew everything. but it didn't feel right not to tell him everything after he saw that. it seemed like he had kind of figured it out anyway.]
You mean because it didn't create you?
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Date: 2026-03-31 03:28 am (UTC)[ The tips of his fingers tremble. He straightens them out and clenches his fist. Opening his mouth, he almost feels like explaining more of himself - but his shoulders end up dropping instead. ]
It'd be easy to believe you're trying to manipulate me. Like everything in that town. [ And he takes a step back, shifting, sliding step, as he glances to the man frozen - haunting their conversation. You weren't made for me. ] What a crock of shit that all is... to make a person and for what...?
[ Breathing slowly, he still feels the adrenaline rushing through him. He doesn't have anywhere for it to go. It just burns and exhausts everything. But that, also, doesn't matter. ]
You sounded -- [ Real. Not the word to use in this moment. ] -- sincere.
[ Another breath out as he runs his tongue along his lips. ]
I believe what you said... you just want to ... you don't want to die.
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Date: 2026-04-02 03:34 pm (UTC)and if he could accept her then that was what mattered. it had felt good to have a relationship with another person and Maria didn't want to lose that.]
I'm being honest that I just want my own life. That place creates me and gives me free will. Or something like it, I guess. Half and half. It's kind of a sick joke.
[she nods her head to James.] His wife died. [she motions to her hair and her outfit.] This was Mary. The way you usually see me is how I am, how the town created me. Wanted his wife but just a little different. It's a long, awful story. I just...can't really leave without him. He's the key for me.
[and she did love James even if she knew it was born from Mary and James's own desires. not something naturally grown from her own heart, if she had one. but it didn't change the fact the love was there, the desire to be with him.]
Problem is, he catches on. Kind of. He doesn't know what I really am. Just thinks I'm a hallucination or something. I can try to talk to him but he'll just think it's the town testing him again.
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Date: 2026-04-02 04:55 pm (UTC)[ He scratches his forehead, but doesn't turn back to look at the person in question. Not this time. His conversation is with her - and he feels a weight press down on his shoulders and chest.
The Charlie he saw in Silent Hill obviously couldn't be his son. His lips press together into a thin, painful line. He disappeared after I said what I guess I needed to say. Because it would hurt to think that a version of Charlie is still in that town.
Or worse - he existed only for that short time.
But could he have taken that town's version of Charlie home, if that was possible? Would he come to resent the boy that wasn't his? Hate him for not being his son?
His mouth falls open as he lets out a pained sigh.
Murphy takes a step back and almost bumps into the man behind him. He feels his shoulders slump more. His head lifts as he has so many questions for Maria. But they get caught in his throat. Because he's scared of the answers. ]
That's so fucked.
[ Both his thoughts and the reality that she's been living in. ]
I'm sorry... to both of you. That's... unfair. [ No, it's more than that - but he doesn't even quite have the vocabulary for it. ] Did you think killing him might break the cycle? If he's your way out? Or would that make you cease to ...?
[ His eyes drop down. ]
I guess there is no right answer... I wouldn't want you to become a murderer, anyway... you still got that good heart, right?
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Date: 2026-04-02 07:56 pm (UTC)maybe Murphy regrets his decision. whatever it had been. but she won't ask. it would hurt him and she has no desire to do that. not when Murphy had been nice enough to listen to her.]
Usually when James tells me no, and he almost always has, I get filled with this...rage? In that moment, I really hate him. I did everything he wanted, was everything he wanted, and he brushes me off. This last time, though, was the first time he had a use for me. A real use. Not some fleeting moment or anything like that.
[her eyes turn to James, glaring, before she looks away.]
I'd like to think I have a good heart. If I could really get away, be my own person, then I'd do good things. [but she's never had that shot. it's a chance that she's never been given and so Maria can't say.] It's why I can sympathize with Sleep. Feel a little bad for her. Being all alone, not a single person to ever see you? Really see you? It's a lot, Murphy. It's a whole lot. You feel like you'll do anything to escape that.
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Date: 2026-04-03 02:42 am (UTC)[ That is the word that Murphy clings onto as he processes everything she says. A creeping horror coils itself around his insides, freezing them, crawling up his throat where it stills a scream. ]
You mean, it -- this isn't -- [ His arm is out to point at the man behind him. He thought this was the conclusion, but she's saying this happens? Has been happening? ] -- how long have you been doing --?
[ His head feels like it's swimming and he gets what she's saying. He understands more about what her empathy toward Sleep comes from. And here he thought becoming an actualized, real person only to exist for a short beat was worse than living. ]
Jesus, Maria. [ Murphy feels like he's cursed a lot. He doesn't know what to say - he holds his hand out to her before pulling it back. There's a building energy in him, because he wants to help her yet something like that is out of his control. ]
Yeah... [ His eyes drag everywhere but he knows - he knows - she's telling him this not because she wants him to fix anything. ] I get what you're saying.
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Date: 2026-04-03 08:00 pm (UTC)Maria doesn't say much more about Sleep. it's a touchy subject and Maria knows how people look at you if you sympathize with her too much. but Maria would like for people to try to understand this world, as awful as it was, was truly Maria's chance for freedom. it meant a lot to her.
she turns her gaze back to James, eyes going over his frame. frozen there. only being used for her now. her hand goes on his shoulder.] Kind of nice he's the one that's not real for once. Feels like a real win right now. [she looks back to Murphy with a small smile.]
Thank you, though. For hearing me out. Not killing me next. I know that town...it hurts you. You probably went through things that keep you up at night. If you looked at me differently because that town created me, just like all those monsters? Well. I'd get it.
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Date: 2026-04-05 05:31 am (UTC)[ He feels like his head is going to explode, though. It's a lot of information and processing what's said and unsaid. His hand rests against his temple, gently rubbing his forehead, like that will help the headache from what he knows.
But his hand does drop at what she says. ]
... yeah, I wondered if you'd feel that way... [ That it's a win that this James isn't real. He's there because she wants him to be - but for what? His eyebrows come together as he wonders what this was meant for, if it is for her. To face her past? Herself? Isn't she having to do that enough? ]
Look. I won't say that if I didn't get to know you first that I would've -- [ His head gives a small shake, frowning. ] -- dismissed everything and done something stupid. [ Out of some misplaced anger. ] But getting to know you...
[ He decides to be honest, to say what he's thinking instead of thinking it all. ] ... I wanted to do good by you. I still want that, Maria. [ He tilts his head in her direction. ]
What I said before is the same... you're not a monster. You're a victim, too.
[ His eyes drop down, away. ]
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Date: 2026-04-06 02:09 am (UTC)what he tells her doesn't surprise her. it was why she hid away just what she was. who would want to trust something a town like that created? James believed her to be nothing but a creation of that town, of his mind, and couldn't see outside of that. not all men were James but anybody who had experience with it? well. Maria couldn't blame them.
but it strangely felt good to be seen as a victim. what a terrible label but it felt good knowing that someone could believe in her. see that she only did what she had to do.
she feels emotional and she wants to do something like hug him but she doesn't. Murphy doesn't seem like the kind of man to be able to deal well with that. it'd probably make things awkward so she nods, fighting back her emotions.]
I get the feeling you've been through some shit, Murphy, but just so you know? I believe you. I think you want to do good by a lot of people and that says a lot about you.
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Date: 2026-04-06 03:46 am (UTC)[ He isn't sure, but the image that she has of him - he doesn't want to ruin it. ]
Can I ... ask you something?
[ His hands twitches, trembles, shaking down to his fingertips. He presses his lips together into a thin line. Letting out a slow breath, he tries to ease the headache he feels but it doesn't do anything. ]
Actually, never mind.
[ Be free probably isn't what happens if one of those town created individuals fulfills their purpose. She wasn't able to be free after she did everything that James apparently wanted of her, so maybe that's a cruel joke. And asking her if she'd just cease to exist seems not right to ask either. ]
Look. [ He rubs his face yet again, focusing his thoughts. ] When I go back, I'm in Silent Hill. Do you know if there's any way I can save you? Save him? [ He jerks his head back toward James. ] Neither one of you deserves to be in whatever shit cycle that the town put you in.
And you deserve your own life. So... do you know if there's anything I can do?
[ After all he thought before, he just couldn't let it go. Maybe, he didn't learn anything. Maybe he still thinks he can fix everything. But he wants to try. ]
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