[ That is the word that Murphy clings onto as he processes everything she says. A creeping horror coils itself around his insides, freezing them, crawling up his throat where it stills a scream. ]
You mean, it -- this isn't -- [ His arm is out to point at the man behind him. He thought this was the conclusion, but she's saying this happens? Has been happening? ] -- how long have you been doing --?
[ His head feels like it's swimming and he gets what she's saying. He understands more about what her empathy toward Sleep comes from. And here he thought becoming an actualized, real person only to exist for a short beat was worse than living. ]
Jesus, Maria. [ Murphy feels like he's cursed a lot. He doesn't know what to say - he holds his hand out to her before pulling it back. There's a building energy in him, because he wants to help her yet something like that is out of his control. ]
Yeah... [ His eyes drag everywhere but he knows - he knows - she's telling him this not because she wants him to fix anything. ] I get what you're saying.
[Maria hadn't gotten too far into this with Sharon. the real cycle of it all, how it was the same thing again and again. but while Maria hadn't exactly said it, Murphy could read into it.] I don't know. Enough that I usually know the pattern. I can figure out where the hell he's going to be or what he might find. This time, I didn't expect him to find that damn cult crap. I shouldn't have let him get that close to the Baldwin mansion. [she shouldn't have let her own fear of the place hold her back like that.
Maria doesn't say much more about Sleep. it's a touchy subject and Maria knows how people look at you if you sympathize with her too much. but Maria would like for people to try to understand this world, as awful as it was, was truly Maria's chance for freedom. it meant a lot to her.
she turns her gaze back to James, eyes going over his frame. frozen there. only being used for her now. her hand goes on his shoulder.] Kind of nice he's the one that's not real for once. Feels like a real win right now. [she looks back to Murphy with a small smile.]
Thank you, though. For hearing me out. Not killing me next. I know that town...it hurts you. You probably went through things that keep you up at night. If you looked at me differently because that town created me, just like all those monsters? Well. I'd get it.
[ He feels like his head is going to explode, though. It's a lot of information and processing what's said and unsaid. His hand rests against his temple, gently rubbing his forehead, like that will help the headache from what he knows.
But his hand does drop at what she says. ]
... yeah, I wondered if you'd feel that way... [ That it's a win that this James isn't real. He's there because she wants him to be - but for what? His eyebrows come together as he wonders what this was meant for, if it is for her. To face her past? Herself? Isn't she having to do that enough? ]
Look. I won't say that if I didn't get to know you first that I would've -- [ His head gives a small shake, frowning. ] -- dismissed everything and done something stupid. [ Out of some misplaced anger. ] But getting to know you...
[ He decides to be honest, to say what he's thinking instead of thinking it all. ] ... I wanted to do good by you. I still want that, Maria. [ He tilts his head in her direction. ]
What I said before is the same... you're not a monster. You're a victim, too.
[Maria gives him a look like 'really'? what was it with men just not realizing there was a cult? it was all over the place. you did not have to look very hard to find signs of it.
what he tells her doesn't surprise her. it was why she hid away just what she was. who would want to trust something a town like that created? James believed her to be nothing but a creation of that town, of his mind, and couldn't see outside of that. not all men were James but anybody who had experience with it? well. Maria couldn't blame them.
but it strangely felt good to be seen as a victim. what a terrible label but it felt good knowing that someone could believe in her. see that she only did what she had to do.
she feels emotional and she wants to do something like hug him but she doesn't. Murphy doesn't seem like the kind of man to be able to deal well with that. it'd probably make things awkward so she nods, fighting back her emotions.]
I get the feeling you've been through some shit, Murphy, but just so you know? I believe you. I think you want to do good by a lot of people and that says a lot about you.
[ He isn't sure, but the image that she has of him - he doesn't want to ruin it. ]
Can I ... ask you something?
[ His hands twitches, trembles, shaking down to his fingertips. He presses his lips together into a thin line. Letting out a slow breath, he tries to ease the headache he feels but it doesn't do anything. ]
Actually, never mind.
[ Be free probably isn't what happens if one of those town created individuals fulfills their purpose. She wasn't able to be free after she did everything that James apparently wanted of her, so maybe that's a cruel joke. And asking her if she'd just cease to exist seems not right to ask either. ]
Look. [ He rubs his face yet again, focusing his thoughts. ] When I go back, I'm in Silent Hill. Do you know if there's any way I can save you? Save him? [ He jerks his head back toward James. ] Neither one of you deserves to be in whatever shit cycle that the town put you in.
And you deserve your own life. So... do you know if there's anything I can do?
[ After all he thought before, he just couldn't let it go. Maybe, he didn't learn anything. Maybe he still thinks he can fix everything. But he wants to try. ]
[Maria really wonders what he wanted to ask her. She figures whatever it was, it might have been a hard one, and while she always tried to avoid difficult truths back in Silent Hill, it didn't seem possible here. Sleep really wanted you to face your bullshit head on.
though when he asks her that question, she gives him a sad look. if anything, she feels worse for him. to tell him the truth.]
You can't. It's hard to describe but where him and I are? It's like a different Silent Hill? Still there but...different. It's his own punishment and James doesn't actually want to leave. I think anyway.
[ It's with a look that his shoulders drop. He already figured it'd be useless but he still wanted to believe there was a way to save her. Does that mean that if Sleep is defeated that she'll go back to that life?
He feels his jaw clench, grinding the back of his teeth. ]
Then both of you are just there to suffer?! [ He pauses to look over his shoulder. His punishment for what? Yet when he looks back, some of his anger fades. ] Well - I get it. [ Losing someone and feeling as though its their fault; he understands wanting to punish oneself eternally. ]
Still, you shouldn't have been dragged into it. You're your own person...
[Maria wonders why Murphy knew Silent Hill. people didn't always go there like James did, drawn in by the guilt. sometimes the town simply pulled you in and there wasn't much you could do. but if Murphy had seen someone, well, what did that mean? if he understood James's desire, what had happened to Murphy? he was a private man, though, and Maria didn't know when it would be a good time to pry.]
I think he'd disagree on that. [Maria nods her head over to James, trying to lighten the mood.] Being my own person.
But hey, I'm here for the time being. It's like a vacation. A little trip away from home and this is more than I ever thought I'd get so thanks, Murphy. For seeing me, I guess.
[she can hear her voice tighten, like she might tear up and she starts to turn, laughing.] But no need to get emotional now, right? Sleep'll be ending the dream soon probably.
Then... he's not looking at you very hard, I guess.
[ But he understands that point, too. He didn't think Charlie in that town was anything more than a hallucination. But what if he was just like Maria? Still a harrowing thought to think about -- ]
You don't... have to thank me about something like that...
[ His voice feels just as strained as hers. He feels his mouth twist as she says they don't have to get so emotional; it feels like a rock in his chest. But it probably is getting close to the dream ending. ]
Hey... you don't have to laugh off when you're hurt. [ His whole body feels cold but he has to say that much. ]
[Maria wishes she could tell Murphy just how much she appreciates this. how he really made something so hard and terrifying feel better. that she could remember that somewhere, someone wanted to help her. even if he couldn't and it was an impossibility that felt mocking in some ways...well, she still knew she had someone like him on her side.
but she doesn't. that's not fair to him. he's got his own shit and the entire point of her has been to not weigh a man down. Maria doesn't have problems. she's fun and casual and she'll never be anything but a source of comfort. that's what she'd been born for and even if she's outgrown that, it's still hard not to consider it as such.
Maria shrugs and smiles.] I've spent a lot of time screaming into the void and if I'm finally going to be heard? Don't know. Might as well make it worth hearing. It's better to joke sometimes. Enjoy what you got instead of wasting it by bitching.
Anything you say is worth hearing. Even if it is bitching.
[ Murphy breathes something that is almost like a laugh, something to break the tension, something involuntary due to nerves. He remembers what she said before that he shouldn't overthink it, and just give a compliment without waddling on what he is saying. ]
I dunno. I just want you to know that, Maria.
[ His head tilts in her direction, trying to show how sincere he is. Saying he's sorry doesn't sound right; it sounds like something she'd have to console him about. "Sorry, I can't save you." Is this overthinking? ]
And I don't know what this place will throw at us... I might end up nuts again and acting not like myself... but I'll tell you what I told someone else, I'm on your side. [ It's the best promise he can hope to give in these circumstances. ]
If I can choose it, I'm going to choose to believe in you.
[how many times had she longed for these kinds of interactions? even when she'd joked and James acted like she was talking insanity. or when she'd tried to let him simply vent. talk about anything he wanted. every attempt never worked. James had never wanted to talk to her, no matter how hard she tried to be fun and caring.
and Murphy here just wanted to help.
she opens her mouth to say something and then all that comes out is a huff of air. possibly ready to turn into a little more broken than a laugh.]
It would have been nice if I'd been made for you. But a guy like you wouldn't have made a woman like me, probably. Moot point. But I think if I could been with you, all this might have ended up differently.
He lets out something like a sigh as he steps forward. Somehow, it feels like there's some insurmountable distance between them since the revelation of what she is. He decides to cross it. His steps don't sound loud to him as he walks, but they feel slower than what he'd like.
Standing in front of her, he can't muster a smile.
Instead, he reaches out to pull her - to hold her, to silently offer as many apologies as he thinks she deserves. He doesn't think there will ever be enough, if anyone were to ask him.
Maybe it would've ended differently... he's sorry it can't end differently now. ]
[this isn't her first time being held but it's still among only the handful—all since she's come here. James never saw her as someone, or something, worth being held. when he did hug her thinking she was Mary surely didn't count. it never felt sincere, real.
but this is just that and Maria thinks that if she can remember this moment. that a man like Murphy who didn't seem like the emotional type, the kind of man to hug someone like that, could hold her? maybe miracles could happen.
and all she could do was hold him back, wrap her arms around him and try not to cry. tears would only ruin the moment and the dream ending would do just that anyway.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2026-04-03 02:42 am (UTC)[ That is the word that Murphy clings onto as he processes everything she says. A creeping horror coils itself around his insides, freezing them, crawling up his throat where it stills a scream. ]
You mean, it -- this isn't -- [ His arm is out to point at the man behind him. He thought this was the conclusion, but she's saying this happens? Has been happening? ] -- how long have you been doing --?
[ His head feels like it's swimming and he gets what she's saying. He understands more about what her empathy toward Sleep comes from. And here he thought becoming an actualized, real person only to exist for a short beat was worse than living. ]
Jesus, Maria. [ Murphy feels like he's cursed a lot. He doesn't know what to say - he holds his hand out to her before pulling it back. There's a building energy in him, because he wants to help her yet something like that is out of his control. ]
Yeah... [ His eyes drag everywhere but he knows - he knows - she's telling him this not because she wants him to fix anything. ] I get what you're saying.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-03 08:00 pm (UTC)Maria doesn't say much more about Sleep. it's a touchy subject and Maria knows how people look at you if you sympathize with her too much. but Maria would like for people to try to understand this world, as awful as it was, was truly Maria's chance for freedom. it meant a lot to her.
she turns her gaze back to James, eyes going over his frame. frozen there. only being used for her now. her hand goes on his shoulder.] Kind of nice he's the one that's not real for once. Feels like a real win right now. [she looks back to Murphy with a small smile.]
Thank you, though. For hearing me out. Not killing me next. I know that town...it hurts you. You probably went through things that keep you up at night. If you looked at me differently because that town created me, just like all those monsters? Well. I'd get it.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-05 05:31 am (UTC)[ He feels like his head is going to explode, though. It's a lot of information and processing what's said and unsaid. His hand rests against his temple, gently rubbing his forehead, like that will help the headache from what he knows.
But his hand does drop at what she says. ]
... yeah, I wondered if you'd feel that way... [ That it's a win that this James isn't real. He's there because she wants him to be - but for what? His eyebrows come together as he wonders what this was meant for, if it is for her. To face her past? Herself? Isn't she having to do that enough? ]
Look. I won't say that if I didn't get to know you first that I would've -- [ His head gives a small shake, frowning. ] -- dismissed everything and done something stupid. [ Out of some misplaced anger. ] But getting to know you...
[ He decides to be honest, to say what he's thinking instead of thinking it all. ] ... I wanted to do good by you. I still want that, Maria. [ He tilts his head in her direction. ]
What I said before is the same... you're not a monster. You're a victim, too.
[ His eyes drop down, away. ]
no subject
Date: 2026-04-06 02:09 am (UTC)what he tells her doesn't surprise her. it was why she hid away just what she was. who would want to trust something a town like that created? James believed her to be nothing but a creation of that town, of his mind, and couldn't see outside of that. not all men were James but anybody who had experience with it? well. Maria couldn't blame them.
but it strangely felt good to be seen as a victim. what a terrible label but it felt good knowing that someone could believe in her. see that she only did what she had to do.
she feels emotional and she wants to do something like hug him but she doesn't. Murphy doesn't seem like the kind of man to be able to deal well with that. it'd probably make things awkward so she nods, fighting back her emotions.]
I get the feeling you've been through some shit, Murphy, but just so you know? I believe you. I think you want to do good by a lot of people and that says a lot about you.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-06 03:46 am (UTC)[ He isn't sure, but the image that she has of him - he doesn't want to ruin it. ]
Can I ... ask you something?
[ His hands twitches, trembles, shaking down to his fingertips. He presses his lips together into a thin line. Letting out a slow breath, he tries to ease the headache he feels but it doesn't do anything. ]
Actually, never mind.
[ Be free probably isn't what happens if one of those town created individuals fulfills their purpose. She wasn't able to be free after she did everything that James apparently wanted of her, so maybe that's a cruel joke. And asking her if she'd just cease to exist seems not right to ask either. ]
Look. [ He rubs his face yet again, focusing his thoughts. ] When I go back, I'm in Silent Hill. Do you know if there's any way I can save you? Save him? [ He jerks his head back toward James. ] Neither one of you deserves to be in whatever shit cycle that the town put you in.
And you deserve your own life. So... do you know if there's anything I can do?
[ After all he thought before, he just couldn't let it go. Maybe, he didn't learn anything. Maybe he still thinks he can fix everything. But he wants to try. ]
no subject
Date: 2026-04-07 03:40 pm (UTC)though when he asks her that question, she gives him a sad look. if anything, she feels worse for him. to tell him the truth.]
You can't. It's hard to describe but where him and I are? It's like a different Silent Hill? Still there but...different. It's his own punishment and James doesn't actually want to leave. I think anyway.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-08 11:24 pm (UTC)He feels his jaw clench, grinding the back of his teeth. ]
Then both of you are just there to suffer?! [ He pauses to look over his shoulder. His punishment for what? Yet when he looks back, some of his anger fades. ] Well - I get it. [ Losing someone and feeling as though its their fault; he understands wanting to punish oneself eternally. ]
Still, you shouldn't have been dragged into it. You're your own person...
no subject
Date: 2026-04-10 01:53 am (UTC)I think he'd disagree on that. [Maria nods her head over to James, trying to lighten the mood.] Being my own person.
But hey, I'm here for the time being. It's like a vacation. A little trip away from home and this is more than I ever thought I'd get so thanks, Murphy. For seeing me, I guess.
[she can hear her voice tighten, like she might tear up and she starts to turn, laughing.] But no need to get emotional now, right? Sleep'll be ending the dream soon probably.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-10 02:06 am (UTC)[ But he understands that point, too. He didn't think Charlie in that town was anything more than a hallucination. But what if he was just like Maria? Still a harrowing thought to think about -- ]
You don't... have to thank me about something like that...
[ His voice feels just as strained as hers. He feels his mouth twist as she says they don't have to get so emotional; it feels like a rock in his chest. But it probably is getting close to the dream ending. ]
Hey... you don't have to laugh off when you're hurt. [ His whole body feels cold but he has to say that much. ]
no subject
Date: 2026-04-12 03:51 am (UTC)but she doesn't. that's not fair to him. he's got his own shit and the entire point of her has been to not weigh a man down. Maria doesn't have problems. she's fun and casual and she'll never be anything but a source of comfort. that's what she'd been born for and even if she's outgrown that, it's still hard not to consider it as such.
Maria shrugs and smiles.] I've spent a lot of time screaming into the void and if I'm finally going to be heard? Don't know. Might as well make it worth hearing. It's better to joke sometimes. Enjoy what you got instead of wasting it by bitching.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-12 04:38 am (UTC)[ Murphy breathes something that is almost like a laugh, something to break the tension, something involuntary due to nerves. He remembers what she said before that he shouldn't overthink it, and just give a compliment without waddling on what he is saying. ]
I dunno. I just want you to know that, Maria.
[ His head tilts in her direction, trying to show how sincere he is. Saying he's sorry doesn't sound right; it sounds like something she'd have to console him about. "Sorry, I can't save you." Is this overthinking? ]
And I don't know what this place will throw at us... I might end up nuts again and acting not like myself... but I'll tell you what I told someone else, I'm on your side. [ It's the best promise he can hope to give in these circumstances. ]
If I can choose it, I'm going to choose to believe in you.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-13 12:37 am (UTC)and Murphy here just wanted to help.
she opens her mouth to say something and then all that comes out is a huff of air. possibly ready to turn into a little more broken than a laugh.]
It would have been nice if I'd been made for you. But a guy like you wouldn't have made a woman like me, probably. Moot point. But I think if I could been with you, all this might have ended up differently.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-13 12:43 am (UTC)He lets out something like a sigh as he steps forward. Somehow, it feels like there's some insurmountable distance between them since the revelation of what she is. He decides to cross it. His steps don't sound loud to him as he walks, but they feel slower than what he'd like.
Standing in front of her, he can't muster a smile.
Instead, he reaches out to pull her - to hold her, to silently offer as many apologies as he thinks she deserves. He doesn't think there will ever be enough, if anyone were to ask him.
Maybe it would've ended differently... he's sorry it can't end differently now. ]
no subject
Date: 2026-04-14 12:50 am (UTC)but this is just that and Maria thinks that if she can remember this moment. that a man like Murphy who didn't seem like the emotional type, the kind of man to hug someone like that, could hold her? maybe miracles could happen.
and all she could do was hold him back, wrap her arms around him and try not to cry. tears would only ruin the moment and the dream ending would do just that anyway.]